I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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