You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
