I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
