well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
