You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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