My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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