i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
