Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
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Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
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Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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