Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
