If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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