Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
There are leaves in my underwear?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
