If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
