this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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