i think my tv is drunk
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
