The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
