youre lurking in front of me
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
