we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I AM VODKA MAN
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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