It's Friday. Sex?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I just threw up on my dentist
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
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