....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
