yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
