Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
