no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
