I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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