i can't believe i had my finger in that
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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