You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
