Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
