everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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