I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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