Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
