And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
