I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
