What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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