Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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