theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
