He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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