Jerry, you need to find god
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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