I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
