Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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