so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am mentally ready for anal.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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