I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related