Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
