went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
