Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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