so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
