I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
