I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
