Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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