Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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