So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
