a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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