You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
