my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
