I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
