youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
