I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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