I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
