there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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