The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
