i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
