I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
