the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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