Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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