Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
