May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think im going to throw up on grandma
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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