so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
