Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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