If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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