I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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