he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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