you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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