she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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