I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
