Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
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