Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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